Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
