She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
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Everyone says I win the strip club
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.