What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...