Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.