i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?