I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize