i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
