I've blown a few things in my day
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
