All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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