Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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