my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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