A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
