Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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