I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
