Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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