I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
