my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He did a backflip because drugs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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