btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
