he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
