I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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