I will die if light touches me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Randomize
