Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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