so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
