That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
