Is it normal to miss your booty call?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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