You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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