I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
