why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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