yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
