South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
