I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
