Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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