a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
