don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
