tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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