i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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