I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
