i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
