you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
