I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize