i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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