i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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