The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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