i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
