Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
