You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
