there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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