I just cut my nipple shaving
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
