just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
