Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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