you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
