four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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