I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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