Can i not drive my cunt home
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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