i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize