Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
