I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
