i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
