i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
