I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
