My room smells like vodka and shame
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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