The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
