Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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