you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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