I CAN MOONWALK!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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