So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
