i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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