I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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