My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
