He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
