i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Randomize
