I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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