Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
