Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Actions speak louder than pants.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
