To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
