I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
