I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
