I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
