Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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