Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
