I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
