Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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